ABCs of Behavior

Behavior problems often interfere with children’s academic and social success. Here, I’ll provide a big picture look at the “ABCs” of behavior and offer some strategies to effect positive change in your student.

There are three basic components (ABCs) to any type of behavior: the “antecedent,” which is what prompts a certain behavior; the “behavior” itself; and the “consequence,” which is an action an adult/disciplinarian administers to the child that shapes future behavior. Let’s use the following as an example: “Every time I ask Sarah to do her homework, she breaks down into tears.” In this case, the antecedent would be asking Sarah to do her homework. Sarah’s responding behavior is to cry. The consequence is what she will experience as a result of her behavior—and it will affect how she responds to similar future antecedents. From my observations, both as a professional therapist who works with children and as an uncle to young kids, well-meaning adults often fail to deliver effective consequences—and the child ultimately suffers.

Because my brother doesn’t look at this blog, I’ll use him as a real-life example of how well intentioned consequences can backfire. His five-year-old son (my nephew) has earned a reputation at local restaurants for his meltdowns. My brother, trying to survive the situation, typically responds by giving him the latest digital device or promising a new DVD. Then, everyone gets to enjoy his last few bites of meatloaf. But let’s look at this consequence from my nephew’s perspective: Dad wants me to be quiet, so I’ll throw a tantrum and get my IPAD. Clever little fella!

Teachers, parents: We all live in a fast-paced world where, like my brother, we get caught up in trying to survive the moment—and giving in a little can seem helpful in the present moment. But for your child’s sake (and yours!), I suggest that you look at what the “consequence” is actually teaching him or her. 

Now back to Sarah’s situation, which I’m sure all parents and teachers are familiar with. The expectations here aren’t going to change. Sarah, like every other kid, has to do her homework. How we encourage her to do it is what will make the difference between a session filled with tears and one characterized by productivity. When Sarah starts crying, our first instinct might be to impose our will and set the rules by saying something like, “Sarah, this is unacceptable. If you don’t do your homework, then [fill in the blank, e.g., no TV, computer, etc.].” Yet, imposing our will in this way can often create resentment between us and the child, thus creating a negative feedback loop wherein both sides push back until the kid’s behavior spirals out of control.

An often overlooked aspect of behavior is the role that the child can play in developing a strategy to address the behavior. (In his book Lost at School, Dr. Ross Greene talks extensively about this.) In other words, give her a voice. For example, we might say, “Sarah, we both know that you need to do your homework. How can we develop a plan together that ensures that this happens?” If Sarah is like most kids I know, she will use every bit of leverage to minimize the time she spends on homework. As a parent or teacher, however, you can negotiate and develop a strategy that meets the expectation (completing homework) while also providing Sarah a role in the decision-making process. Note that I’m not suggesting that we allow our kids to make their own rules, but rather include them as a partner in developing a strategy to address their behavior. 

So, instead of surviving the moment, step back and look at your kid’s behavior and develop a strategy together for dealing with it. Identify what the expectations are, and work collaboratively with your child so that everybody can enjoy their meatloaf in peace!  

Behavior comes in many shapes and sizes, just like our kids, and I understand this strategy isn’t effective in all situations. But remember—it's a process, one that takes effort, time, and compromise.

Behavior will be an ongoing discussion, and we will continue to review different situations and strategies. Our next post will look at using visual strategies and positive supports to help kids with behavior.